


drown every sense you own

by providing_leverage



Series: Short stuff [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Again, Family Reunions, Human AU, M/M, Non binary Magnus Bane, because eew, fuck buddies with feelings au, overwhelming social situations, this is becoming a trend whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 06:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21114065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/providing_leverage/pseuds/providing_leverage
Summary: That was, after all, the main reason Asmodeus threw these things. To brag in the faces of his siblings and cousins, throw his money in their faces by renting everyone rooms for the weekend, even paying to have them flown out to New York.Every year Magnus thinks, surely they won't come this time, surely they're as tired of this whole thing as me.But every year they come back, lured by what is basically an all expenses paid vacation.





	drown every sense you own

**Author's Note:**

> I keep writing non Binary Magnus, partially because I like it and partially for practice because using they/them in my writing helps my mind adjust to using them for some of my friends. Its working unexpectedly well, but if I slipped up at any point please point it out to me

Magnus is tired. They're so, so tired. This place is loud and people keep trying to  _ talk  _ to them, and they can't manage a convincing smile. Worst of all, people keep trying to  _ touch _ them, hugs and handshakes and pinch their cheeks like Magnus is still a child, not 24 years old. 

They want to go home, which is a familiar feeling during these events. Magnus had always hated the large family get togethers their father loved to throw every August. At least when they were younger, they could get away with screaming and crying to get away from people. 

And people keep misgendering them, saying  _ he,  _ and  _ Asmodeus' son,  _ and  _ what a fine young man you've grown into.  _

Magnus has been out for years. These people, these distant relatives who call themselves family, should  _ remember their pronouns. _

But at least no one has commented on the make up, or the jewelry, this year. Yet. 

Taking a deep breath, Magnus untangles themselves from a distant aunt's embrace and makes a beeline for the fancy bathroom of the fancy place their father had rented out this year. A different hotel than the one last year, and the year before.

(That was, after all, the main reason Asmodeus threw these things. To brag in the faces of his siblings and cousins, throw his money in their faces by renting everyone rooms for the weekend, even paying to have them flown out to New York.

Every year Magnus thinks,  _ surely they won't come this time, surely they're as tired of this whole thing as me.  _

But every year they come back, lured by what is basically an all expenses paid vacation.)

At least,  _ at least,  _ they have a gender neutral bathroom. Not the massive, several stalled, gold inlaid ones like the men's and women's. But Magnus is fine with a single square room with a changing table and toilet paper on the floor. It's empty and the walls block some of the sound from outside. 

They stand there, back against the locked door, and exhale sharply. Magnus' throat stings, and they know they're going to cry soon. 

_(Of course you are, _their father's voice whispers, _ weak, pathetic creature_ _that you are. Of course you can't handle a few hours with your family that's come all this way. You absolute waste of space.)_

Magnus wraps their arms around themselves and slowly slides to the floor. The unshed tears build up in the back of their throat, threatening to spill over. But they can't cry, or Asmodeus wins. 

So they do the only other thing they can think of. They pull out their phone and find their recent calls logs. The name they want is the first to pop up, the last person they called, last night. 

Their hands are shaking too badly to hold the phone steady, so Magnus puts it on speaker phone as it rings and sets it on the floor. Their arms wrap back around themselves in an effort to trick their brain into thinking they're being hugged. The pressure helps just a little. 

He picks up on the second ring. "Magnus?"

"Alexander." His name is a sigh of relief, even half sobbed.

"Magnus, babe, are you okay?" Alec heard it, how broken and pathetic they sound right now.

"No," they admit, because they can never lie to Alec. "No, no, not at all."

"Do you want me to come and get you?" Alec knows where they are. They told him last night on that stupid phone call, when they were drunk and just wanted affection.

"No. No, I can't let him win. If I leave he wins. He can't win. He can never be allowed to win."

Silence. 

(Alec disapproves of this mindset, Magnus knows very well. But they can't just not think like that, and Alec respects that. He knows what it's like to have fucked up relationships with parents.)

"Okay. If I can't come and get you, then what do you want me to do?" Alec asks, because he's too kind to say what he's most definitely really thinking, which is  _ what a moron, why do they do such stupid things, put themselves in such horrible positions.  _

(So very true. Magnus doesn't have to come to these, but always does because  _ Asmodeus can't win _ . And this year, they didn't even have to come alone. Alec had offered, but that was too much like a date, like meet the family, like what a boyfriend would do.  _ Alec is not their boyfriend. _ )

"Just...can you talk to me?"

"Yes. Absolutely. Whatever you need, baby." Alec says. "But first, can you let go of your arms. Not all the way, just not so tight?"

If course, of course Alec knows what they're doing, even if Magnus hadn't realized themself. 

(Alec had encouraged them to cut their nails the first time he'd noticed the habit. But Magnus needed them slightly long, for situations like this, when the slight, grounding pain was worth the torn skin and little crescent shaped marks. It wasn't like they'd ever drawn  _ blood _ , they'd defended at the time.)

For Alec, they force themself to stop digging their dark painted nails into their arms. "Okay."

"Okay. I'm just gonna talk for a bit, if that's okay with you? You can interrupt at any time. If you want to say something. Or to ask me to come get you."

_ That will never happen,  _ they think, but say "okay." anyway. 

Alec starts to talk, about the book he was reading, the weird names of some of the pets that had come through his office this past week.

(Magnus remembers what Izzy had told them about her brother when she way trying to get them to go on a date with him. She'd told them he was a vet, a kind and caring older brother. The mental picture they'd painted from that could not be further from the truth of the over six foot giant with several tattoos and a leather jacket they'd met for drinks at the Hunter's Moon several months ago.)

("I don't do relationships," Alex had told him right off the bat. "I just came here to make my sister happy. Nothing is going to come from this."

They'd gone home together that night, for the best sex Magnus had ever had. To the rest of the world it seemed Alec had been right. Nothing had come from that night, except maybe a tentative friendship. Only the two of them know about the hookup deal they'd struck.)

(Only Magnus knew about the unrequited feelings they had for Alec.)

Magnus sits there on the floor for longer than they should, lost in memories of the past and calmed by the drone of Alec's voice, still holding themself.

They give themself ten minutes of bliss and peace, to get their breath back and not feel like they're about to start sobbing and never stop, before they interrupt Alec. "I have to go now. Thank you." 

_ Beep,  _ they hit the end call button, hanging up on Alec abruptly, before they can day what they really want to, which is  _ I love you, I love you, I love you.  _

And,  _ please come get me and take me far away from this place and make love to me until I forget everything but the warmth of your skin on mine and the low rumble of your voice. _

Instead of calling back and saying all that, Magnus stands up and breathes in, out, in, out. Slides their phone into their pocket and unlocks the door. 

They plaster on a fake smile and wade back into the sea of distant relatives, because fuck Asmodeus,  _ they can do this. _

(They don't check their phone until an hour later, when the event finally ends, don't notice the test from Alec. Probably a good thing, because it's a shirtless selfie of Alec in all his glory that make their skin warm. And a text they warms their heart and breaks it a tiny bit at the same time.)

(_I'm here waiting when you're done. And when ever else you need me, always_.)

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Loosly based on today's whumptober prompt because I was in a bad mood from a horrid social sitipn myself and wanted to write angst


End file.
